


At the Pub

by Rowan_of_Transylvania



Category: The Hobbit (2012) RPF, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Cissexism, Drinking, Drunkenness, Gen, Homophobic Language, Mild Language, Other, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 05:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowan_of_Transylvania/pseuds/Rowan_of_Transylvania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cast go to a pub to relax and bond. There they encounter some nasties of the human kind, and respond in fine form.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At the Pub

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for RPF and homophobic characters/language.  
> I don't actually know what Sir Ian's relationship status is, but from interviews and panels it seems like he's quite up for a dirty joke or two.  
> Betaed by the lovely Algie.

They were at the pub. That in itself wasn’t noteworthy; they went to the pub weekly at the very least. But they were at the pub when it happened. They had taken their usual clump of tables slightly removed from the bar and were teasing Ian over his latest imaginary conquest when they began to notice the small gang at the bar.

 

It wasn’t anything major at first, just glares in Ian’s direction and whispered comments. Despite his international fame and respect, it was nothing the elder actor wasn’t used to. It escalated from there, though. Drunk on cheap alcohol and their own self-importance, the youths got steadily louder and more offensive. The company ignored them as best they could – it wouldn’t do for the stars of _The Hobbit_ to get involved in a bar fight, after all, especially when their boot camp training would turn “fight” into “beating” – but the group was fast becoming downright intrusive.

 

The final straw came when one of the drunkest yelled out directly to them, “Hey lads, what’s the difference between a gay man and a woman?”

 

The kid’s friends burst out laughing. Ian merely rolled his eyes, but Graham’s knuckles were white where he gripped his knife and Martin and Jed were snarling something about “if I was their father”.

 

It seemed like the situation would degenerate after all, until James turned in his seat, leaned over towards the gang at the bar, and called out, “One of them has a penis, you imbeciles!”

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say? I heard the last line in James Nesbitt's voice (and accent), and I had to write it.  
> I would like to note, however, that some women have penises, and not all gay men have them. LIke many snappy comebacks, this one is, unfortunately, oversimplistic and thus cissexist.


End file.
